Live. . . Laugh. . .Love

Live
If you would have asked me a year or two ago what I had to live for the answer would have been simple, nothing. I was in a very dark place and I wasn't sure I could find my way out, I was patiently waiting for 'the light at the end of the tunnel'. Which never came. At some point I decided that no one was going to rescue me and at this point I had to make the decision to save myself. It wasn't easy but it truly was the best thing for me. Pulling myself out of the darkness was the hardest and most liberating thing I have ever done. There was no one else that I relied onto help me, just me. I proved to myself that I was strong enough to get through it. Now, I am not saying my life is easy or I am a happy go lucky gal, it is not and I never have been. . . but what I am saying is that I am living. Now, some may judge my life and ask what kind of life it is and to them I say it is mine and it is a work in progress. I still have my down days when I am lonely to the core and retreat into myself but they are becoming fewer and farther apart. I really think that the dark patch was there to make me see that I am strong and that I can get through anything. I am alive, I am living, and I am happy!

Laugh

Laughing. . .something we all take for granted. When I decided to write this blog and cut it into 3 separate sections I was not sure what I was going to put in this section. So, I thought Laugh. . .huh what makes me laugh, who makes me laugh? The answer to both was B. Davis, my best friend, my sister. B. Davis is one of the best people I know and one of the most funny (ask her she will tell you she is funny). But beyond that when we became friends I believe she was the answer to a prayer I had yet to make. She has helped me in so many ways that I cannot even begin to go into. She has been the best best friend and if I could ask for one thing, it would be that she would find all the happiness that this life has to offer. And B. Davis if you could see what everyone else sees in you, you would never doubt yourself or feel less then you are.

Love

Worthy of being loved. . .that is what my name means. The irony is astounding, especially for someone who believes completely the opposite. I will start by saying I have been in deep passionate love and it was great, or at least the memory of said love was. The truth is I have not been open to receiving love for a very long time. At times, I truly question whether or not I can romantically love anyone. I am sure I can. I have a list of issues with love but I think my biggest obstacle is trusting someone and letting them in. I will be the first to say that I do not do this anymore with, well. . .anyone. This is why I do not have a ton of new friends and why I have social anxiety (I think anyway). I am terrified of putting myself out there (like I am now! Writing this seems to be pretty hard. . .I guess telling the truth about our biggest flaws always is!) and having it thrown back in my face, of falling for someone only to be decimated. Having written it down, I can now recognize the immaturity of it, but like I said I am a WORK IN PROGRESS. There is a quote that I love. "You will never know love until you surrender to it" I think I am ready to surrender to love, to see that I am worthy of love and I deserve love.